What's wrong with old fashioned Ice Cream?

Greetings Ellenwood!

We just got home a few hours ago after taking a few days off for a much-needed vacation. Until now, we didn’t realize how bad we needed it. For several years we’ve spent any vacation time we had visiting Dede’s Dad and stepmother and Dede’s mom who also lived in a nursing home in Palm Coast, Florida. Now that both mom and dad are both gone, we didn’t really know what to do with ourselves this year when vacation time rolled around. We still have family and strong ties to Palm Coast and look forward to our next trip there. But it sure felt good to be alone and to  be able to do whatever we wanted to do, whenever we wanted to do it.

Each day, we got up early and after a full day, we fell asleep much earlier than we usually do. It couldn’t have been a better trip – a perfect drive, perfect hotel room, perfect weather, at a perfect beach. Before this week, I’d never been to the gulf coast in October but I highly recommended it. 

Besides the beautiful weather and sparse crowds there are other advantages. When you go to the beach in October, other than an occasional rotten grandchild, there are mostly old folks like us in town. You can trust me when I tell you that no matter what you do, wear, or say, you won’t stand out as the goofiest person there. For all practical purposes you can spend the week incognito. 

Until this week, I’ve never experienced what if feels like to be one of the skinniest people on the beach.

When we planned this trip, we knew that with our current circumstances that it might not work out. So, we hesitated to get too excited about it. In fact, we weren’t even sure where we might go until Saturday afternoon. But on Monday morning, after meeting all our commitments over the weekend, we decided to go for it! We packed our clothes, my guitar, my cameras, and every photo and video accessories currently available to man.

Just before we turned everything off and stepped out the door, the TV news caught my eye. I don’t remember what the story was but…It was more of the same…The far right says “this” and the far left says “that”. The news is a 24-hour cycle of accusations.  I’m sick of it.

There are good reasons why I purposely avoid any public conversation about these issues. I have an opinion but there is a very small circle of people I would share it with. For one, I have people who mean very much to me that I suspect are here illegally. I also have friends…that hate them for it. I want my friends to follow the law. I also want my friends to live in peace and love one another. My opinion would only serve to further muddy the water. I only want to love and serve and let God change people and circumstances.

 Sometimes that seems like an impossible position to stand on. So, just before I walked out my front door to leave for vacation, I decided to tune out all the issues and accusations and leave them behind.

For this trip...no left, no right, …just love. 

I had no idea if I’d happen across a chance to display love. But I formulated some guard rails that I thought would help me focus on that and stay in the center instead of veering to the left or right.

Here are some examples.

Statues and Monuments:

When travelling to the gulf coast of Florida, you will drive through several small towns in southeast Alabama and the Florida panhandle. Though I’m not positive, I would bet that every town along the way has at least one statue or monument commemorating some individual seen as a hero by some and represent hate and oppression to others. Regardless of any opinion I may hold, a statue is not more important to me than love so I choose to ignore them. Stone is not my enemy. Anything that threatens the peace of God in life is.

However, there are exceptions to every rule. The exception to my statue rule is the statue of “Big Guss” which stands in front of Angelo’s Steak Pit in Panama City Florida. Each year, thousands of steak lovers make a pilgrimage to Angelo’s to honor “Big Guss”

I realize that “Big Guss” may very well offend some individuals, particularly vegetarians. But I humbly submit to you that I simply love a good steak. I don’t hate vegetarians or cauliflower. I just think you’re weird, perhaps emotionally impaired in some way. Maybe you’ve just never eaten a steak at Angelo’s. Let me buy you a steak and I'll try some rutabagas. We may have more in common than we know.

Restrooms:

While the subject of restrooms as they relate to gender identity is a hot button issue in the media, I did not personally encounter any one named Florence or Dorris in any of the many restrooms I visited while on vacation.

As I suspected, this was a non-issue and is likely another over inflated media balloon that will eventually float away with the winds of time. Should I ever encounter an awkward restroom situation at anytime in the future I will remain respectful, remembering that there have always been one or two good ole boys I’ve known through the years that I wasn’t so sure about…I refuse to be angry over something that hasn't happened or hate you based on your potty preferences.

While we’re on the subject of public restrooms and the law, I’ll take this opportunity to voice my full support for House Bill SERAA55, which is also known as the
“Seniors Emergency Restroom Access Act”

SERAA55 simply states:

“Relative to urgency, all individuals reaching the age of 55 or older will be granted access to the closest restroom regardless of the gender designation of said facility”

Please contact your representative and voice your support for this important piece of legislation.

Dress Codes:

One of my favorite things about going to the beach is that casual attire or swimwear is acceptable dress for anywhere you want to go. You can decide to go somewhere at the spur of the moment and wear whatever you happen to have on.

If I wore the clothes I wear at the beach in public anywhere else on planet earth I would surely get my photo posted on Facebook under the heading “THE PEOPLE OF WALMART”. But in a beach town, I am essentially invisible.

But, again, as I found out, there are exceptions to every rule.

Until this week, I did not know that the state of Alabama has a dress code for travelers who visit one of their many Official Rest Area’s that are located all along the highways and byways of this progressive state.

Somewhere between Lake Eufaula and Dothan Alabama I needed to take a break…as in right NOW.

I was about to enter the facilities when, fortunately, I noticed a sign on the door, clarified by a corresponding graphic that read:

PANTS UP - SHIRT ON – SHOES ON

or NO ENTRANCE

I panicked and ran around the corner of the building as fast as I possibly could. Luckily, I was able to tuck my shirt in and get my pants adjusted to the required level before I was spotted by a member of Alabama Law Enforcement.

Whew! That was a close one…

The Constitutional Rights of Other Americans

My commitment to take only love to the beach was not as easy as I thought it might be.

During summer, other than the beach, the main attraction for families are the amusement centers that roar to life at night. There must be ten go cart-tracks and at least as many miniature golf courses. There are also the thrilling rides with descriptive names like the “The Paratrooper” or “ The Vomiteer” as well as a host of arcade games.

But in October, the main event for an older crowd is the Gulf sunset. Every afternoon around 5:30 pm an otherwise empty beach suddenly fills with people who come to watch the most amazing show on earth.

Wednesday night, I went down to the beach an hour before sunset to setup my chair and my cameras so that I would be ready to capture the entire event with images and video. With the sun low in the sky, I started my video cameras and begin taking still photos at regular intervals. The sky gradually exploded into colors that even Crayola has no name for. You could literally hear people gasp as the sky changed colors and shapes, much like a kaleidoscope.

Around 6:03 pm, I leaned into my viewfinder and steadied my camera waiting for that one money shot when the sun kisses the sea when suddenly…. 

...everything went completely dark as the largest woman I have ever seen walked between my camera and the sun, causing a total solar eclipse. I fumbled around in the darkness and grabbed a Nikon point and shoot camera and ran west as fast as I could. About 100 yards down the beach, I broke out of her shadow…but it was too late.

In disappointment, I walked back to my chair with my head hanging low. When I passed her, she turned to me and smiled and said “was that not the most awesome thing you ever saw? I tipped my Panama Jack Beach hat to her and tried to smile back as I mumbled “yes mam…that was truly amazing”. 

It’s a good thing that love also includes forgiveness.

I had better luck Thursday night but when I went back to my room and viewed the results of my efforts I concluded that no video or photograph can ever adequately capture the experience when you witness the handiwork of God with your own eyes.

____________________________________________________________________

The trip was truly awesome in so many ways. As I drove up and down  beach road, I saw familiar places from my childhood. I smiled a lot as I thought of my aunts and uncles, my cousins, both sets of grandparents, my brother, and my parents and the good times we had on vacation. To this day, I’d rather ride down beach road with my dad to get the morning newspaper and an Eskimo Pie than travel anywhere else in the world.

Last night as our weekend in Paradise was coming to an end I was in a happy place. Over three or four days, I had experienced something that I don’t often let myself experience…I was RELAXED. 

Somewhere around 9pm I got the bright idea to take my sweetheart up the beach to get an ice cream.

That's When It all Fell Apart

About 5 miles up the beach road, we pulled in to the parking lot of a well-lit, colorful building with a bright flashing sign out front that read: “DipInDots Ice Cream”.

YES! Ice Cream.I parked the car and we headed inside. When we got inside we walked up to the serving counter. Directly behind the glass was a long freezer containing 15 to 20 cardboard ice cream drums. The first few drums contained various combinations of brightly colored beads about the size of BB’s. I thought to myself, “Okay…there’s the toppings” and I slowly strolled down the counter peering in to each container.

When I got to the end of the counter I looked at the sales girl and said, where’s the ice cream?

She smiled at me and said these words that I will never forget:

“That is ice cream. It’s the ice cream of the future!”

And then she pointed to a sign on the wall that read:

“In 1988, microbiologist Curt Jones used his knowledge of cryogenic technology to invent Dippin’ Dots – an unconventional ice cream treat that’s remarkably fresh and flavorful, introducing the world to beaded ice cream.”

I paused for a moment and took a deep breath, gathering my composure...and then I politely asked:

“So wait…you’re trying to tell me that Doctor Frankensteins mama worked 3 jobs to put him through college to learn how to deep-freeze tissue, organs, and the bodies of dead folk, hoping that as science advances they can be revived in the future, and his contribution to mankind is the perversion of Ice Cream?

I continued:

“Where is the respect in that? Do you have any regard at all for men like Baskin, or Robbins…and the other forefathers of ice cream?”

She smirked at me and said, “just try it”

So I did

And as I suspected, this concoction has nothing to do with Ice Cream.

First, it suspiciously has the texture of a dense Styrofoam…the kind you would spray on the ceiling of apartment building. Perhaps the future plan is to eventually do away with spoons and bowls altogether and instead, you'll just walk by with your mouth open and a cryogenic technician will shoot it in to your mouth from some sort of hopper.

Second…it NEVER MELTS. You cannot lick a cryogenically frozen Ice Cream pellet and melt it with your tongue. It takes hundreds of these cryogenic miracle beads to fill a spoon. What happens if you spill it on the floor? IT BOUNCES - How would you ever find all of it? It’s not even sticky!!!!

This is NOT Ice Cream! This is a bowl full of frozen synthetic boogers.

And yes…you can freeze a booger but that don’t mean you ought to eat one.

Unlike this so-called advanced form of Ice Cream, you can’t load real ice cream into a shotgun shell and go quail hunting with it. Nor do you ever need a toothpick after you eat real ice cream.

But she insisted - “ See…It’s Ice Cream.”

...I don't know what to say....

I know I said I was leaving all of this behind but here’s the real story behind this lie.

DipInDot is not ice cream…I know it…and she knows it… and as bad as I hate to say it, the truth is...

This is another attempt by the far left and mainstream media to control the hearts and minds of the American people that started with ”Vanilla Oreos” and now it’s Ice Cream…

What’s next?

Please…if there are any rational people left…let’s leave Ice Cream to great Men like Ben and Jerry and tell Curt Jones to go get a real job.